


At A Loss

by fifthmoon



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, KagaKuro Month 2014, Loss, M/M, kagakuromonth2014
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 10:41:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2544593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fifthmoon/pseuds/fifthmoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>So he had learned to like the dog. He might even say he had learned to love him, probably, but never having had a pet before, Kagami had failed to realize the inevitable that comes with pet ownership: the tragic loss that always seems to happen far too soon.</p>
</blockquote><p>A story about love and loss, wrapped up with an optimistic ending to hopefully dry away those tears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At A Loss

Kagami was at a loss. Never had he seen his relatively stoic, normally stone-faced partner so shaken up before. Well, there was that time during the Winter Cup when Kuroko had fallen from grace. Aomine had swept the floor with him, made a mockery of his playing style, and for a moment his dreams that included humbling his former teammates were dashed. The phantom felt useless, defeated before the game was even over, but Kagami was there to pick him up and remind him he was not alone, that his efforts were not wasted and their battle was not over. That time was almost 14 years ago now, and almost nothing compared to what he was seeing now.

Kagami looked on helplessly—because really all he could do was look—at the thick tears that streamed down those swollen, reddened cheeks, at that petite face screwed up in a portrait of utter despair, at those lips quivering as the man sobbed openly, and Kagami felt his heart break into a million little pieces.

Kuroko’s small frame was pressed so deeply into his chair it looked like he wanted to meld with the cushions and phase out of reality. The way that chair swallowed his slight figure made the already small man look even smaller.

Standing before the sunken form of his shadow, Kagami wanted to extend a hand, offer comforting words, but he couldn’t seem to will himself to do anything at the moment. It was as though he was glued to the spot, as though his body had gone into shock at the sight of his partner’s broken composure, at the pained expression that seemed so foreign on that gentle face.

He wanted to say something, anything to make it better, but honestly, what could you possibly do for a man who had just bid farewell to his dog—his friend of 14 years—that was just escorted away by a sympathetic doctor to be euthanized?

The redhead felt like crying himself, but knew he had to be strong for his partner, his lover, his husband. After all, at least one of them needed to keep it together if they were to get through this.

Once more, Kagami was here for Kuroko at his lowest, but what could he offer now? Where to even begin? He was simply at a complete loss.

Kagami knew what made this all so much worse was the fact the poor dog could not even experience a normal death in the comfort of his own home.

Over the past month the couple had noticed a change in Nigou’s weight and eating habits. He seemed hungry all the time, constantly eating but never satisfied, yet he still appeared to be losing weight rapidly.

Suspecting it might be a tapeworm, the two had taken Nigou to the vet for an exam. The doctor felt around Nigou’s stomach and requested to take an X-ray. The results were heartbreaking. It turned out that Nigou actually had stomach cancer, not uncommon for elderly dogs, and a blockage in his stomach was preventing his body from absorbing nutrients. This explained why he was always eating but still losing weight. Treatment was highly costly and would only prolong the inevitable, and surgery was necessary to remove the blockage but could also prove to be too traumatic for a dog his age. If something wasn’t done, though, Nigou would continue to starve, leading to an unnecessarily cruel end.

Kagami knew it was best to decide on the most humane thing to do, and while it could no longer be said that Nigou was just Kuroko’s dog, he understood that the difficult decision rested primarily on his partner’s shoulders.

Over the years Kagami had to admit the mutt had grown on him, since he was so precious to his husband and all. Maybe they had bonded over the long walks they had taken together. Nigou being such a large breed, Kagami had more or less taken up the role of walking the beast the greater distances after he had grown to his enormous full size. After all, the fuzz ball was a tugger and didn’t seem to know his own strength; Kagami wouldn’t forgive himself if Kuroko pulled a muscle in one of his magical passing arms in the unfortunate event that Nigou spotted a squirrel and hightailed it with the poor guy in tow.

So he had learned to like the dog. He might even say he had learned to love him, probably, but never having had a pet before, Kagami had failed to realize the inevitable that comes with pet ownership: the tragic loss that always seems to happen far too soon.

Not wanting Nigou to suffer any longer, Kuroko had made the incredibly difficult decision to let him be put down.

And so, here they were at the veterinary hospital, in a room dubbed “The Comfort Room.” Fixed with the same amenities as a cozy living room, including poofy armchairs complete with the added charm of claw marks on the leather as the calling cards of the previous visitors, it was a room with the soul function of making the last moments with your pet as private and comfortable as possible.

It was into one of these oversized armchairs that his shadow was now receding as his big, awkward self pathetically stood by in a state of suspended animation. Finally overcome with disgust toward himself for regarding the sad scene of his husband’s mourning in stunned silence, he finally willed his body to move.

Kagami knelt before Kuroko, motioned a hand to tuck those wintry blue, tear-dampened tresses behind his ears, then embraced his inconsolable husband in a hug, stilling the shoulders that shook with every heaving sob, desperate to relay his love and offer emotional support.

Unsure if Kuroko was even able to acknowledge him past his shroud of sorrow, Kagami held him all the same, continued to provide a shoulder to cry on, allowed him to purge his grief for what could have been minutes or hours; he wasn’t certain.

He then murmured the only words he could think to offer. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. He was a good boy. He lived a long life. He was happy and loved.”

  


* * *

  


“Taiga-kun, I think I did a bad thing. I should have been there for Nigou, I should have been there with him when he was put down.”

By now it was evening time, and the couple were lying in bed, unwinding after the long day’s ordeal. Kuroko was snuggled firm against his tiger’s chest, said tiger idly caressing the back of his husband’s head in an ongoing attempt to soothe him.

After checking out from the vet, Kagami practically had to carry his shadow back to their car, Nigou’s old leash clutched tightly to his chest like a lifeline. Kuroko had finally calmed down somewhat since then, or so Kagami thought until his partner sprang that remorseful statement on him just a moment ago.

Kagami tilted the man’s chin upward with a curled index finger and proceeded to cup that pale, delicate face in his large hands, allowing their eyes to meet. Looking past the tremors making ripples and disrupting the harmony in those big blue pools, he fixed his lover with a serious gaze, hoping to send a wordless reminder that he was here for him, and that he wasn’t alone.

“Tetsu, you didn’t do anything bad. It wasn’t possible for you at the time. If you had gone in there like that Nigou would have definitely known something bad was going to happen.”

“Yes… I suppose that is true.” Kuroko struggled not to avert his gaze. “I wish then that I had not been such a coward,” he uttered, dejected, his usual monotone uneven, his throat swollen, his voice husky from a day’s worth of crying.

Kagami wrapped his arms around him once more. “Hey, no one can blame you for being afraid. Not many people could handle the sight of their pet passing, and I wouldn’t have wanted that to be your last memory of him.”

Even as Kagami spoke the words assuredly, a part of him wondered if maybe he _should_ have encouraged Kuroko to be present for the euthanasia. Thinking back to the moment, though, even if he had half a brain to consider his husband later regretting not being there, he would have felt that it wasn’t his place to push him.

After all, hadn’t it already taken enough courage for his shadow to make the decision he had made? Hadn’t the guy been traumatized enough? And of course Kagami had opted to remain with Kuroko rather than go with Nigou…

“I know I have trouble dealing with loss,” Kagami was pulled from his thoughts by Kuroko’s soft voice, “with being left behind—I must commend you for putting up with me all this time—but while I always knew Nigou was going to have to leave me one day, nothing could prepare me for the reality of it. Losing him just feels unbearably painful all the same.”

The smaller man’s voice began to break as he concluded, “Our family was already so small to begin with, and now we’ve lost an important member…”

Kagami felt a lump form in his throat at those words, so he tightened his hold around his lover before managing, “Tetsu, I’m sorry…”

Kuroko nuzzled into his light’s broad chest, reciprocating his comfort. Regaining some composure in the strong embrace of his partner, he then said, “You’re the only one who has always been there for me, Taiga-kun—who has never left my side, and has always given me support when I need it most.”

“What I’m trying to say is…” the blue-haired phantom hesitated a moment to carefully consider his finishing statement.

“Thank you for being the one constant in my life.”

Kagami blushed furiously at his partner’s earnest words. Damn this guy for still making butterflies stir in his stomach even after all these years.

He was relieved that in their current position, Kuroko couldn’t see his face, but the heat radiating from his flush might as well be a dead giveaway.

“Would you ever doubt me? Idiot, you can’t get rid of me.” Yes, masking embarrassment by feigning irritation was always the way. “I’ll always be here, so don’t forget that. Hell, I’m like a bad tattoo. You couldn’t get rid of me even if you wanted to.”

Kuroko then laughed, actually laughed, and the sound seemed almost foreign after a draining day’s worth of hiccuping sobs and enough tears to fill several cans of Pocari Sweat. In light of tragedy, that laugh proved to be music to Kagami’s ears.

“No one has ever seen me cry like that.” Another surprise remark.

“Really?”

“Yes, not even my parents. You’re the only one I trust enough to let my guard down like that.”

While the memory of seeing Kuroko in such a state would definitely haunt him, Kagami felt just a bit pleased by the implication that he was special. Well, duh, he _was_ his husband and all, but it never got old knowing he was most important in Kuroko’s life.

“Taiga-kun, may I die before you?”

Ok, so he was _not_ prepared for that one. The redhead would have done a spit-take at that plainspoken question if he had any liquid in his mouth. This fucking guy, honestly.

“Yeah, uh sure.” Kagami rolled his eyes but still agreed to the absurd, and oddly polite request. “Just try not to make a point of it, though.” He noogied his husband’s head and, yes, most definitely felt him smile that wonderful smile of his against his chest. The one reserved just for him, for “Taiga-kun.”

Kagami knew, life would continue to be full of challenges, greater than any basketball match, and perhaps even more difficult than losing Nigou. After today, though, Kagami understood more than ever, as long as they continued to face these challenges head-on as a team, they would win every battle, conquer every opponent. They would persevere.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this is too sad, this was just me working through the loss of one of my own precious kitties.
> 
> Losing a pet is never easy, and I just couldn’t help but imagine the bond between these two being so strong, they could help each other pull through in the face of such a tragedy.
> 
> Writing about such a hardship through the perspective of KagaKuro really gave me strength during a tough time.


End file.
